Thursday, April 30, 2009
to not look back in anger

Hey! I'll put all that stuff aside for now. I bet you can't be bothered of reading all those on and on eh? I'm sure you get tired of it, sooner or later. Yeah, even i myself find that it's pointless to keep lamenting over things that you wish you could have done. So, let me try to get back on track again, okay? : )

Today ah. Annual Awards Ceremony in the morning. So zhai luh, i admire every recipient haha. To be able to achieve such excellent results, pei fu. Well, that got me motivated somehow. I have a feelin' that some of the audience (including myself), were inspired to be like them. To be able to stand at that same spot the next year. Gotta fight for it!

"If you can't, then you must." Yea.

Had a couple of lessons before pe. Haha, captain's ball was fun. Kinda messy at the start, but once everyone settled down, it got exciting. Lol, no thunder!

Well, i think i'll be starting on my work from tml onwards. I chose to take a short break today, so i got to ensure that i wouldn't procrastinate and waste that extra time to revise. You know, i have a bad feeling that i will screw up the upcoming three days heh. Okay, i can't think like that! Work hard yea.

Nite.

Monday, April 27, 2009
If You Knew

There were some questions that got me thinking on how i should carry on. If you lose what you possess, is your life worth living? If your friends are no longer there for you, is your life worth living?

Well, how should one come to that conclusion? Should people live their lives based on what others think is right? Or for that matter, how would you know what is "right"? The never-ending cycle. The questions just keep comin'.

Like a science experiment, if you notice there are consistencies in your readings, you will make the assumption that it is proven to be true. If most cakes thrown at your face are labelled "there's no turning back", are you gonna agree with that statement and assume that it will be the same throughout? For now, i can only say that it is true, to a large extent.

"If there is nothing missing in my life, why do these tears come at night?" As the saying goes, "things happen for a reason", there has to be some valid explanation. But.. on the surface, it appears that there isn't any! Why is that so? A reason for its perceived absence? It just keeps goin', on and on, on and on..

Have you ever tumbled down a hill? Geez, i did, and it's because i lost control on my bicycle. Haha, it hurts, of course. Well, what about the metaphorical meaning of 'falling down a hill'? Have you ever experienced it at any point of your life, so far? I guess you must have felt like that before. Awful, isn't it?

In a daze, i feel so lost. I begin to grow weary from this arduous journey. An impatient me begs that something good will come out of this. If i were to lift up a huge boulder and expect something valuable beneath it. I don't want to face disappointments. You know, they keep saying that "good things will come out of those who work hard for it". However, it seems like there isn't anything underneath at all. Maybe, this time, i am really gonna be disappointed.

Once again, i feel like laughing at my foolish self, for being so discontented with life. Why do you insist on asking for more when what lies in front on your dinner plate is so damn delicious? Why are kids so persistent in coaxing their parents to get them another balloon in a fair? It all boils down to the question of Man's insatiable hunger to acquire. Pretty much like a quest for World Domination.

Frowning upon the uncertainties in life. As i gaze up and stare blankly in the night sky, questions.. many questions revolve inside my head. I closed my eyes, slowly, and tried to catch the faintest sounds of Nature. I could hear them calling out to me. It calmed down my senses and I wished that it could last forever. I wouldn't mind remaining in such a state, for all eternity. Alas, i knew i was simply wishing for a fairy-tale ending, something that will never come to pass.

I tried to gather my thoughts. My hands trembled as i jotted down my last words. The soft, white sheet that i was writing on had small, damp spots all over. Drip. Drip. I just couldn't hold back. That intense emotion assailed me in all directions. Like a cornered rat, i could only whimper at the sight of a dark, menacing predator advancing, praying that it's just a nightmare. A foreboding sense of dread. An ominous sign. What else can i expect?

Flashbacks unsettled me. "Your mind is playing tricks." If only that was the case, i wouldn't have went through this much suffering. The countless "what if's" seemed like sole reason for my fears. Pure imaginations, you'd say?

I'll retreat for now, to lick my wounds and prepare myself for future battles. I lie on the moist grass and question myself one last time, before submitting to the calls of..

Friday, April 17, 2009

Tuesday, April 14, 2009
one by one

Recently, i had a roller-coaster ride and it was filled with both pleasant and unpleasant experiences. Well, it appears that there were more of the latter. Hmm, think it's a gradual build-up to some catastrophic event? Ha, that's way too crazy, so much for my wild imaginations.

If i were to ask myself whether i would want to face this kind of c**p, it'd be a big "No!" (x68566341 times). Of course, who wants to go through unhappy moments? But.. if i were to look back and reflect on those times when i felt down and out, actually.. i wouldn't mind. You see, i feel that it's necessary for us to go through difficult times, so as to become stronger. If life was like a bed of roses, it's likely that we will take almost every single thing for granted. Well, maybe i'm wrong.

I have no idea why i'm being so emo (or whatever you call it). Simply being more reflective? And i wonder why do some have the stereo-typed thinking that the so-called emo people slit wrists and do all sorts of self-mutilating acts. Hey, I don't!

Okay, i think i'm gonna forgo revision just for tonight. Gosh, i've been procrastinating for the past two days. And i have yet to resume my revision! Tsk.

Anyway, i'll just go with the flow. I shall accept whatever things Life throws at me. As they say, "When life give you lemons, make lemonade!" Heh, i don't know if i used it inappropriately.

To be frank, for the past two months or so (if memory serves, that is), i have been praying for many things.. to grant me strength, so that i can overcome Life's obstacles. To grant me courage, so that i can face my fears. To keep the people around me safe and that there will be no harm. That my family and friends will stay healthy and strong.. Whenever i ask for guidance and strength (as well as all those mentioned), i will remind myself to make the right choices and to place "others before self". I just hope i can make it happen.. nothing else matters to me right now.

Alright, i received info that there is a need to complete complex tut. I'll try to work on it before i turn it.

Haha at "revision".

Saturday, April 4, 2009